Friday, October 12, 2012

Raising pagan children

Over the past couple of months, I've been really searching for what I believe in exactly. I obviously wasn't satisfied with just being atheist and realized that I do believe in something. I took the infamous Belief O Matic quiz and my top religion was Paganism, so I decided figure out what that means. I've read blogs and forums and books and wikipedia articles. Yep, definitely Pagan. Only with some caveats.
I don't believe in God(s) and/or Goddess(es).
I believe Magic(k) is focusing energy towards something, using ritual with intent. I do think focused intent can affect changes but not sure how and not sure if the how matters.
As a mother and wife who cooks for my family, I'm very much interested in Kitchen Witchery.
Reincarnation is a big one for me as well. I've been calling it Random Reincarnation; meaning that there's no Karma ladder going up the reincarnation staircase until we hit Nirvana, but anybody could come back as anything. You could come back as a dog next life so please treats dogs how you would want to be treated.
Nature is holy and divine. There'a a power/energy in Nature and deserves to be reverenced  The power/energy acknowledgment takes my beliefs a step beyond Pantheism; there's something more. Its tied back into how I feel about Magick.
I want to celebrate the changing in seasons and the Wheel of the Year as my Holidays and developed a spiritual celebration to go with each.
That sums it all up nicely.

Onto raising my child Pagan. I want Phina to be raised with a reverence for Nature and respect of animals, with my beliefs, as I was raised with my parent's beliefs. If Phina questions what she beliefs as a teenager, I'll do as my mom did and give her that space. Respect of animals is a core of who Bryce is so he would be better at imparting that to Phina. I want her to have sense of connection to her family and I believe beliefs, rituals, and traditions help build a strong family bond.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Hello again!

I've decided to start writing again. Quick re-cap of what happened since last post: got bigger, quit job, moved to San Diego, had baby at home, step daughter Amber moved in. We're doing great, Seraphina is 4 months old and quite sassy! Breastfeeding is going well; I have an over active letdown so sometimes Phina chokes on my milk and I spray her in the face. Bryce works a lot and travels a lot. Amber is a huge help! She's 22 so its nice to have another adult in the house. I'm starting to feel like I need a routine.

Phina is so happy and so much fun. A great sleeper. More to come - specifically my underwhelming new moms group and my cloth diapering dilemas.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Is my baby bump a real bump or am I just getting fat?

Or bloated. Most of the time is bloat and constipation, but lately even after I spend some time in the bathroom, I come out with a decent 10 week bump. That's only in the morning before I've actually eaten anything. Once I have breakfast, it balloons to way to big for 10 weeks and I spend the day with my pants unbuttoned. Fun times.

In other news, I'm 10 weeks. We lost our first baby at 10.5 weeks so this week is stressful to say the least. I keep having flash back on how it all went down last time. I'm trying to send positive waves to the fetus and something in me thinks this one will make it. We've been talking to the baby lately, telling him/her that we love it, especially B. Little baby bug face - we love you already. 

Monday, July 11, 2011

Skip 8 weeks, let's talk about God at 9 weeks

Lately, I've been thinking about beliefs. In specific, do I tell my family that I no longer believe in God, and will not be raising my child religiously. The most religion our kid will get is the Unitarian Universalist kind. No God, baby Jesus, and creepy Holy Ghost. I'm certain, I will get some sort of question regarding a baby dedication (the non-denominational version of baby baptisms, because they're better than that), or church, or something about raising kids "God's Way".
The thing is, the reaction could be anywhere from quiet, polite shock to THOU ART A BLASPHEMER!!! My mother was surprisingly calm and accepting when I told her a year or so ago that I no longer believe in an institutionalized Christian church. She does not know that I no longer believe in God at all. To me - there is no God, Jesus, Holy Spirit and the Bible are fictional stories. My mother's reaction does not predict my grandmother's and cousin's reactions. I'm usually conflict adverse and would rather just not mention it, however even at 9 weeks pregnant I can be a bit unpredictable emotionally, so I'm sure when I'm 37 weeks, my patience level will be rather short and my brain to mouth filter nonexistent. In late pregnancy with hormones a muck and quite uncomfortable, who knows how I'll respond to 'God' questions. I'm picturing it now and its not pretty.
I may tell just my mom about my heathen-ness at some point. I could see her handling it.

So what do I believe? I believe all living things are connected somehow. That there's a spirit connecting humans to animals to bugs to trees to water to oceans to skies to stars to planets to galaxies. Everything is connected. I believe that we get more than one shot at life. We're not always people, sometimes we're the microscopic bugs in the ocean, but humans aren't better than those bugs. We're not striving for good karma and move up the reincarnation ladder until nirvana. We just are. We're energy and the universe is good at recycling.
We need to respect the trees and grasses and animals, because either once we were one or will be one. We need to respect each other because someday I might be your brother or your mother. That's where laws and rules have to their place, ensure respect. I should give to you what I have so you can have a better life and you should do the same, even if all that we have to give is a hand full of lint and love and paper hearts. What matters more is love than material possessions. Love in a friendship is what is needed most. And respect. Respect yourself to know when your friend is not giving you love and paper hearts. Respecting our body while we're in it in thanks to the universe for being good at recycling. These are beliefs I want to teach my child.

I know I sound like a rambling hippie, but the writer of this blog is the post modern hippie of the title. I have to live up to its namesake.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

7 weeks 3 days and a Blueberry!

I've taken to calling the embryo Blueberry because at 7 weeks its the size of a blueberry. B (husband, recovering goth) has been out of town on business all week, so he gets to hear every night that Blueberry misses him. Next week it's the size of a jelly bean, but I'm sure if its name will change, Blueberry has a nice ring to it.

Morning sickness is more like all day sickness/evening sickness. I've also developed an aversion to meat. Totally grossing me out. I'm trying to make sure I get enough protein with beans and quinoa. So far that's been working out.

Tomorrow we have our first appointment with my OB and an ultrasound. Excited to see Blueberry and hoping for the best. Trying to keep only positive thoughts flowing.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

6 weeks 3 days

My ultrasound went well! It reset my due date to February 13th instead and 9th, which moved me back 4 days. I was suspecting that since I tend to ovulate late. Apparently I ovulated on cycle day 18. That's on the earlier side for me, so I'm feeling good about that. Also, I'm excited for the closer to Valentine's Day due date! Just one baby with a 115 heartrate which is a great number!

Next appointment is on July 1st with my doctor. I'll have another ultrasound then as well.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

6 weeks 5 days

And an ultrasound tomorrow. The ultrasound is to make me less nervous. My wonderful midwife offered to call it in and suggested that if I'm nervous, its probably a good idea. We're crossing our fingers and hoping for the best while still being cautious.

My dad predicted twins and I have a feeling of twins as well but trying to not get too set on it. Twins would make all my plans more difficult but would also be really cool too. We just want a healthy baby(ies) at 40 weeks-ish.

Think good thoughts out into the universe.